Noises make everything better!

Gasping for air but trying to look casual like: “Just enjoying nature 😤💀 ”
Meanwhile, my lungs are filing a complaint with HR.
#CardioShame #SilentStruggle #HillOfShame #WhyDidIDoThis

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
Me: “If you don’t know, I’m not snitching either.”
💀
#BadIdeas #PulledOver #ThisIsHowYouGetMoreTickets #Oops

🌞🚀 Sunday Morning STFC! 「OPS 65」「US91」 It’s the last scheduled stream before the big move—let’s make it count. Join me at https://live.mustbtv.com and check out my STFC Prime Path using !primepath 🌌⚔️✨ #TwitchGalacticMorning #STFC

First thought? That’s not a burger, that’s a cholesterol boss fight. 💀 My arteries filed a restraining order just from looking at it. No. Just… no. 😵‍💫🍔 #Overkill #MeatMountain #WhereIsTheLettuce

🌞🚀 Saturday Morning STFC! 「OPS 65」「US91」 Less than 2 weeks to moving day—let’s grind while we can. Join me at https://live.mustbtv.com and check out my STFC Prime Path using !primepath 🌌⚔️✨ #TwitchGalacticMorning #STFC

Predator gave up after 15 seconds. My knees, back, lungs, and questionable life choices were doing all the work for him. He just perched in a tree like, “Nah, he’ll self-destruct in 3… 2…” 💀😂

#AchingAndElusive #CardioIsTheRealKiller #PredatorPass

If someone offered me "walking bacon" and I’d never feel more seen. Three strips of portable joy to nibble while I walk? This is the future. Sandwich in one hand, dignity in neither. 🥓🚶‍♂️💯

#WalkingBacon #InnovateEverywhere #SnackTech #BaconToGo

If you didn’t cringe at your past self at least once today… congrats, you’ve probably learned nothing. 😅
Character development starts with “Wow, I really thought that haircut was a flex.” 💀✂️

#GrowthIsCringe #StillAnIdiot #ThrowbackTherapy #EvolutionInProgress

Beavers pull up, see that dam, and hit that synchronized:
“DAAAAAAAMN!” 🦫💯
Craig and Smokey would be proud.

#FridayVibes #BeaverEdition #DamSoFine #YouGotKnockedIntoANatureDoc #Iconic

One’s gotta go? Not Papa John’s. That garlic sauce alone deserves diplomatic immunity.🧄🍕Y’all can argue about crusts and combos, but that cup of liquid gold is non-negotiable.💅

#PapaStays #GarlicSauceIsLife #PizzaPolitics #OneMustGo #NotMySauce #PizzaDrama #PrioritiesStraight

Who hurt the person that made this?? 🤢
Green olives AND coconut?! In CHOCOLATE?!
This isn’t a candy bar, it’s a hate crime.
Olive Joy? More like Olive WHY. 😩🫒🍫🚫

#UnholyCombo #TastebudTerrorism #WhoApprovedThis #ThisAintItChief #CursedSnacks #ChocolateTrauma #HardPass

🌞🚀 Sunday Morning STFC! 「OPS 65」「US91」 Honoring all the amazing moms out there—Happy Mother’s Day! 💐 Join me at https://live.mustbtv.com and check out my STFC Prime Path using !primepath 🌌✨ #TwitchGalacticMorning #STFC #MothersDay

Me: Has $4.72 in the bank
Also me: “Let me just add this $189 hoodie, a lamp I don’t need, and 3 more mugs to my cart.” 🛒💸
Retail therapy hits different when it’s delusional. 😂

#OnlineShoppingAddict #BrokeButStylish #CartIsFullWalletIsNot #ClickNowCryLater #DogWithDreams

🌞🚀 Saturday Morning STFC! 「OPS 65」「US91」 Just over 2 weeks until moving day, but there’s still time to grind the stars. Join me at https://live.mustbtv.com and check out my STFC Prime Path using !primepath 🌌⚔️✨ #TwitchGalacticMorning #STFC

Man buying a @ring alarm and getting it installed has to be the most frustrating thing ever. They offer to have OnTech install it but you have to do each piece 1 by one. Its stupid.